Thank you Alison, for being so vulnerable and sharing this insightful piece. I have a few thoughts.
1) Have you read any of the work of anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher? I find her framework very helpful in avoiding conflating lust, romance and attachment.
2) It’s not clear to me after reading your article whether casual sex (to you) is a means to and end or an end in itself. I’d think it would be the former but then your list at the end implies the latter.
3) I’m with Immanuel Kant in that even when something like sex is seen as an end in itself (mutual gratification) we are called to still see the person also as an end. This calls for mutual respect and appreciation.